Also available for Xbox 360
I fired up Splatterhouse wanting a game with senseless violence and unnecessary gore. I was not disappointed. I started the game by blasting one of my Disturbed CDs (using my 3DO and the other TV, of course) because I figured I wouldn't give a shit about the story. Then I realized the guy who voiced the mask was the same guy who voiced Sgt. Hawk in the later Army Men games (along with every other male character, evidently), so I was like "Well shit, the Army Men fanboy in me need to hear his dialogue." Then I found out, to my pleasant surprise, that the story is actually not bad. It's not a gripping narrative, but it's interesting.
Basically you're a lanky nerd who's going with his girlfriend to some creepy ass house because plot devices (I think she was going to interview a creepy old scientist or something), and then oh no, you've been disemboweled. Fortunately, there just happens to be magical possessed mask that promises to heal you and help you save your girlfriend if you put him on your face. What could go wrong?
You spent the next 9 or 10 hours (depending on how often you fuck up the traps, which I did a LOT due to my immense impatience) spilling approximately 4,378,462 and a half gallons of demon blood all over the place while you watch the world end. You rip out several hundred spines and dozens of sets of lungs, as well. It's great. This game earned its M rating in the best way possible. OH, and if you collect the optional photo pieces lying around the levels, you get to see your girlfriend's boobs. It's like this game was made for me. All it needed to be perfect was a flamethrower and anime chicks with either pink, purple, or blue hair.
Imagine crossing MadWorld with H. P. Lovecraft, and that's pretty much the plot. There were a lot of technical issues that I noticed (severe frame rate drops when the action got heavy, leading to several deaths when the hiccups messed up the timing of my dodges or screwed me up jumping over lava), but that may be a PS3 specific issue; I've not played it on 360 to compare. Either way, while the issues are severe when they occur, they're infrequent enough that the game is playable and enjoyable once you get used to the standard frame rate (which runs at about 25 fps).
If you like gore and senseless violence, I'd recommend this one. I'd recommend it on 360, though, since it probably runs a lot smoother than it does on PS3.
My Rating - 3 Neps
I'm a teacher.
And I like to play video games. I like to collect video games. I like to talk about video games, and I like to write about video games. During the day, I teach high school history; during the night, I spend my spare time gaming. Then I write about it.